27 July

My 37th birthday. We start celebrating hours before with the music of Kermit Ruffins, then cocktails at Ward Eight, bad fast food, good go-go boys, a lot of laughter. Dawn comes, now with sunshine and good food and even more friends surrounding me. We wrap up the evening in the dim light of Bernard’s, with three girls who are dear to me but new to each other. Still there is so much love; I’m having an amazing time surrounded by people I love. And it’s not that I’m not incredibly grateful, but the thought as I drift off to sleep is that what’s missing, what will always be missing from now on, is a birthday card from her.

28 July

29 July

Back at the Cafe again years later, the same hostess still works there. I recall her name is Katie. I avoid eye contact – seems like too much work to explain how it ended, where he is now, where I am now. To save us both from the awkwardness I keep my head down, act distracted by my phone. I’m sure she’s used to that anyway.

30 July

“I don’t know how we got on the topic. All I know is, some days more than others, all conversation roads lead to my dead Mom.”

31 July 

Squeezing the last bits out of my Cinema/Chicago membership, I see a screening of “In A World…”. Really cute!

1 August

“You are SO pretty!” I find the voice that’s calling over to me, a teenage girl going down the escalator next to the one I’m on going up. She’s gorgeous herself. I smile and say thanks. We should be kind to each other more often.

2 August

Tiki drinks with a good friend, Michael Shannon on the stage, a ride home on Lake Shore Drive with perfect weather. Chicago has treated me well. No complaints, NONE.

3 August

Taking the wedding jewelry in for consignment today, I’ve been wearing it one last time. It feels so foreign, like I’m wearing something that belongs to another person.

And then I realize in many ways, I am.

4 August

Have you seen the (admittedly long-form) video for Jay Z’s “Picasso Baby?” Billed as “A Performance Art Film”, it was filmed at New York’s Museum of Modern Art with a bunch of people you’ve seen before and more that you haven’t but should.

Good stuff. If it makes a patron of “high art” check out a new musical genre, or makes an inner city kid want to go to MOMA for the first time, it’s a huge victory for the arts all around.

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